Pre-punishment blog
On my way to see Domina Nyx today, after another mini tantrum because I am pretty psychologically run down and don’t exactly feel at my best to be “slavin,’” as Ms. Mona Rogers would say. But, apparently neither an attitude or genuine pleading would afford me the opportunity to do what I want and remain in bed the rest of the day, and tomorrow and the weekend. DN told me She had given me Her answer and any further protest would lead to more punishment. Apparently, I’ve lost track of what I’m being punished for. She says She will explain it to me when I see Her. She then proceeds to ask me if I am excited to see Her, and of course – I am. I always get very excited to see Her, although for fear of looking like an idiot, I contain it.
Except, I’m really not so excited about being spanked. She really freaked me out with the word “long.” Why would She say something like that? It’s psychological torture. It could mean anything. I can’t really see Her dishing out an incredibly long OTK spanking because those are burdensome on the arm of the Dominant after a while… or so I’ve heard from pretty much all of them. But in thinking about it, DN has definitely surpassed the consecutive five minute beating – and that was just with a few strokes of the belt, followed by Her hand. It was mortifying and particularly painful. You spanking enthusiasts will enjoy to know that Her hand can compete with some of the more heavy paddles out there. It stings like nothing else because of the way She poses Her hand, and She smacks so hard that it goes deep into the tissue injuring the muscles and leaving them extremely sore – especially when She lands a good one and then doesn’t release Her hand from your ass for a few seconds. That’s pretty torturous and something She hasn’t done with the exception of one time. She would spank me furiously for a few seconds, rapidly and then land one very, very hard blow to my backside that She would release for a couple of seconds. Then She would do that again several times and return to the fast, fiery spanks. That one unique punishment spanking She gave me was so intense psychologically and physically that really, in all seriousness, I collapsed and almost fell apart.
That heavy hand combined with the sting and throbbing that lasts about a quarter of an hour is pretty bad. She is a very accomplished spanker, I can say that much. Anybody looking for serious spanking sessions should consider contacting Her. DominaNyx(AT)gmail(DOT)com. You will not be disappointed if you are seeking real discipline, or even roleplay punishment.
Besides Her hand, which I imagine would be even more mortifying to experience as a man, She has some pretty severe implements. I’m a female and my pain tolerance is lower than the average male’s yet I am horrified and humiliated at the fact that I can get spanked like a 5 year old with my Mistress’ hand and be reduced to a blubbering pile of tears from that alone alone – something many moons ago I would have sworn was impossible and even laughed out loud at. So, for a grown man to be reduced that way – it must be pretty agonizing in terms of mortification. That, coupled with the pain is what Domina Nyx would call a sad, “sad story.” And She doesn’t give up either. Beating fuels Her. The more She punishes, the more inclined She is not to stop. Given Her sexually sadistic nature, Her particular penchant for justice and Her insistence on keeping true to Her word when She hands down a sentence – it’s a pretty frightening situation to find yourself in. That’s where I would be now.
I have several new implements to bring Her, and I don’t want to. I was speaking about them to slave-in-training Kevin. He seems very willing to give them a test run if DN is up for it. He can be my guest, really and with all sincerity – he can be my guest. I did not know She had Cane-Iac bookmarked. This is not good news. I hope She hasn’t been having any kind of secret interaction with my blog reader that compelled him to request this of me and issue me the funds for the lexan paddles.
Well, it doesn’t matter really. What’s done is done. But I really should have not gotten Her the sadistic red loop. I had affectionately thought of Her when reading the label and figured it seemed like something She should have and might like – this was when I was behaving myself almost perfectly and had not anticipated being a “a long spanking, OTK” or any kind of serious punishment spanking for that matter.
My nerves are seriously shot. She didn’t use the word severe and She didn’t mention me not being able to sit for weeks. Does this mean it won’t be so bad, or is “long” some kind of code word for the worst beating ever? I am so unnerved. I feel like I need a sedative to quell my anxiety. Never. NEVER in my whole frekin’ life have I ever been afraid of spanking to the point where I start having legitimate moments of sheer panic, and the actual desire to avoid my Mistress so that She can’t punish me. I love Her but I am mad at Her for making me feel this way about spankings, especially because She has the insane ability (if She so pleases) to eroticize them to the point where it makes my mind spin out of control. She is seductive and sensual and hypnotic and teasing/tormenting.
Urgh. I guess it’s just Her choice. With a thought in Her mind She can take one thing and make it miserably punishing and aversive or rewarding and yearned for. That’s what makes punishment spankings particularly dreadful – knowing that there are good spankings that exist. If I didn’t know there were nice, sensual, erotic spankings to compare punishment ones to – it wouldn’t be quite as bad or frustrating. FML.
