Spanking ALL day, EVERY day?

Thought my blog readers, fans of spanking and domestic discipline would really enjoy this latest update. I have been aware of it for two weeks, but have been subtly and I guess not-so-subtly trying to get Domina Nyx to rescind, except She won’t. Or, so She claims. I sometimes very much dislike Her spontaneous proclamations because once the words come out of Her mouth, even if She says something out of anger or excitement that is so outlandish I think it must be impossible for her to follow through on – due to Her Mistress code of “ethics,” She has obligated Herself to remain true to Her word. This is why I couldn’t imagine a spanking ten times worse than the first prolonged punishment one She administered until it was actually happening and I almost lost consciousness in the process. I honestly believed, because She had issued that decree while angered, that She was either very much exaggerating or not serious at all. I learned, the very hard way, that I was wrong on both counts.

Speaking of “wrong,” this is a word that has come up often between Her and I as of late. I am sure you can all assume the context. I don’t remember what I did two weeks ago, to be honest. It was something to do with my attitude. I either raised my voice, spoke back or rolled my eyes. This was the week I brought DN the implements from Can-Iac.

Before I knew what was happening I got a couple of very hard smacks with Her hand (of course the exact way I love it – yeah, that’s sarcasm) and then I was whipped with the “sadistic red loop,” which definitely does its title justice. I refuse to go into details about this but Her method of restraining me nearly always nowadays is to pin me between Her thighs while holding my right hand against my back as She punishes me. So I got a good dose of the loop while ineffectually squirming like a mad person.

But, as is still the case – Domina Nyx does not really hold grudges. Generally speaking, if punishment is accompanied by repentance, it’s over. Even if the punishment has to be repeated twice in a short period of time (which is extraordinarily rare and definitely an exception and not the rule), as soon as remorse and humility is expressed genuinely, Her demeanor returns to normal. That is something I have always admired about Her.

After this punishment, perhaps Her sadism button got pushed because She proceeded to give me a few whacks with every implement I brought to Her – demonstrating the difference between using 10 percent of Her strength to smack and 100 percent. I find the clear paddle and the whip to be the worst in terms of pain. The sadistic loop hurts but I can tolerate pain better when the implement is not designed to attack a large area of my bottom at once. The paddle covers the majority of my ass and it produces this searing/burning pain that makes me want to jump out of my skin. Granted, the whip is tiny – but it still covers more of my bottom than cane-like implements or the loop and it really hurt. She only smacked me with that three times. I remember counting because I started to panic, and She certainly wasn’t whipping me with all of Her strength but I was so caught off guard by the fact that it hurt to that degree (and I really wasn’t expecting it to) that I turned around after the first stroke with a horrified expression on my face. I was shocked. It’s sort of similar to a belt – impact wise – but the strands are more gentle, not as biting. And if I have to say there’s one thing I like about it, it’s that it doesn’t make one feel like a 5 year old when getting smacked with it. And, it’s cooler looking. It might even be a nice implement if it wasn’t used for punishment. It’s doubtful at this rate, however, that I will ever get to test that theory. Anyway, I was ordered to turn back around, pushing my bottom out with my hands bracing the wall and was hit twice more. It seriously hurt. The rubber cane with three strands hurt a lot also, but it doesn’t cover that much surface area so I was able to tolerate it a little better. I was also single-tailed with DN resting comfortably on the bed. I was positioned at an angle in front of Her, but Her aim was pretty impeccable and I kept getting strokes right in the middle of my ass. No strays. That stung, very much. But there’s nothing more adult than a singletail.

The experience in general was devoid of humiliation as it wasn’t really a punishment. But DN fixed that when She refused to let me pull my pants back up and insisted on commenting on the physical condition of my red, battered backside and making references to OTK spankings and saying other things to embarrass me – then forcing me to look at Her, knowing there was no way I could conceal the color of my reddened face and thus no way to deceive Her into believing I was unaffected. She would also sometimes force me to repeat disturbing spanking references under the threat of another spanking if I refused to comply. What choice does one have in that situation? I did not get spanked again for disobedience.

But She was having quite the blast at my expense. She was coming up with some sadistic ideas that only She could think of spur of the moment – such as buying a sitz bath and making me sit in ice water before being spanked, and vinegar water after. Beyond that, She told me we would start making brief appearances at random fetish parties around the city if for no other reason than to take me over Her knee for a few minutes. Worse than that, She told me She would open the blinds and do one of the following: take me over Her knee and punish me in a way that is visible to the public, make me lean in the corner with my ass exposed while She spanks me or make me brace myself against the window so everyone can see my tear-stained face as I get a spanking. All of this would be equally horrifying, at least to me. I have a feeling She might get some kind of exhibitionistic pleasure out of such a situation.

Speaking of pleasure, and not my own – yours perhaps: I was informed that sometime soon (which would have probably happened already had DN not injured Her beating hand) that I was to figure it in my schedule to spend three consecutive days with Her. I was confused at first, I usually spend that amount of time with Her. But I guess She was telling me this was not in any way optional and that I must plan that nothing can come up in my life where I might need to leave early. Why? I’ll tell you.

Because my Mistress has decided that I need a brief but intensive training/punishment session to re-teach me proper conduct in conjunction with punishing me for 2 months worth of undesirable behavior – in which She has been so busy with outside activities and traveling and that terrible bout of sinus agony that I have been punished for only a fraction of what I should have been. Actually, the first month and a half my behavior wasn’t terrible and She even said it was good. It’s the past 2 weeks (or a little over) that I have slipped up, for which She believes a good reminder is the only remedy. That good reminder was originally going to be a “long” OTK hand spanking – which I have experienced only once before by Her to such a degree that I was not sure I would even recover. It was pretty long, definitely not a two minute hand walloping – which is often enough to punish me and change my attitude, effective immediately. Anything more is extra punishment doled out as DN justice.

Anyway, what is a good reminder? At first it was the long OTK spanking, which She said is going to be an additional punishment which I believe will occur at either the beginning or tail-end of the larger punishment. Larger punishment? Yes, larger punishment – which I have been informed will be a 15 minute spanking, five times a day for three consecutive days. When She first told me of this punishment, She issued a 3x a day spanking. Then She immediately reconsidered with a strange seriousness and abruptly changed it to 5x a day. She told me that I could pick 15 implements and each spanking would consist of being spanked for one minute with each implement. This is so fantastical in thought and theory that I kept figuring She must be joking, because it’s impossible. So I refused to blog about it thinking it would be silly. But earlier I got a text from Domina Nyx assuring me She was serious and has not changed Her mind.

I guess I should have known better than to even ask considering I just got punished last week. I rolled my eyes but honestly didn’t realize it until I was face down, pants off getting a whipping with the loop and rubber cane. The 3 strand rubber cane is now out as an implement because She spanked me so hard after several whacks it had come apart in a violent fashion – one strand hitting my ass, another flying across the room, literally. But even after two strands had broken off, I was still spanked. At least She didn’t use Her hand. She did, but only one smack, and just the left check. I don’t think She was being considerate towards my dislike for those hand spankings, so much as She had an injured hand – and I wasn’t wishing an injured hand on Her, but I was still grateful.

I don’t know what all this means for me though, except the obvious: 75 minutes of spanking every day, totaling almost 4 hours of spanking in 3 days. That will honestly be the most I’ve ever been spanked, ever, in my entire history of BDSM. Even when M spanked me for a week straight (well what was supposed to be a week but ended up being more like 4 days) it still added up to less than a quarter of what I will experience if DN makes good on this punishment. And if the long OTK spanking is an additional spanking and not factored into part of the punishment, I will be in bad shape. Especially if it is at the end and not beginning of the punishment. I haven’t even ever been spanked for 4 cumulative hours in a month, perhaps 2 – in all my BDSM life. I know I deserve some amount of punishment, but I am going to see if there is any possible way to negotiate this down. I asked Her this once and She said no, but once She realizes how intense this really is, perhaps She will be willing to let me make a plea bargain.

I don’t know how She, Herself, will be able to endure administering a spanking of that caliber. She doesn’t really have a bionic arm, even though that often seems to be the case and sometimes I have to really wonder whether or not She is secretly robotic on the right side of Her body, or at least Her arm and hand. If I were a Dominant, I regret to say I don’t know if I would have that kind of dedication/patience/determination. Her sexual sadism must fuel Her. I think sometimes the more She punishes, the more She doesn’t want to stop. I have a hunch that seeing swelling flesh, and emerging welts and bruises over fire-engine red skin excites and energizes Her.

But more importantly, She has never fallen short of administering a punishment – no matter how severe – when She deems it is necessary. Yet, still… I think She will have to persevere through this punishment as much as I will – because as it is three days, it will take commitment and rearranging of schedules to make sure we are either at the Studio or home so that I can be punished on time (Hopefully it won’t be a situation where the clock strikes five and wherever we are, I get hauled away for a spanking. That would be very Christian mommy-like. Dragged into the bathroom of Walmart and whipped with a small line of plumbing supply). Seriously, I have no idea how She is going to time out when each spanking is to occur. But She’s obviously the one with the creative mind, so I will leave it to Her.

And I might try to protest a little in regards to negotiation, but overall, I know I must submit to atone for my actions that have displeased Her and to earn Her favor. If She wishes to revoke the privilege of negotiation, which She has on an occasion or two, afforded me in the past – I will have to accept that with a very submissive and compliant attitude; one that is gentle, humble, gracious, and timid. I believe, that after a year of a very intense, beautiful and at times rocky D/s relationship – that the time has come where She is determined to break my will so that it has no strength to put itself back together. I think She has decided to use spanking accompanied by humiliation to wear me down.

For 72 hours straight, I will have nothing to look forward to except a battered backside five times a day. Every action will be calculated with submission and repentance, carefully with the dual intent to please Her and avoid further punishment. I have no doubts that if I even accidentally make a mistake in between spankings that this will cause me an additional, unmerciful dose of punishment which I will have to accept without a word of complaint. I recently promised Her that I would not make Her punishing me a production, that I won’t give Her cause to drag me into position, to move from Her spot to fetch me when I am too terrified to come. When She calls me to Her – no matter how afraid I am of getting spanked, I will willingly and passively offer Her my body for chastisement and do all I can to remain still and compliant during the process, so as to make it easier on Her. I will position myself over Her knee if that is what She demands. I will obtain any implements She requires without any hesitation. If I am allowed to remove my pants myself, I will do so without having to be told more than once. I will do what is necessary to demonstrate respect, gratitude and acceptance. This punishment will be a test for both of us. I want very badly to pass.

~ by kaijedangel on August 10, 2011.